How to Talk So Kids Will Listen
Simple Communication Tips for Parents
Have you ever asked your child to do something – like put their shoes on or tidy their toys – only to be completely ignored? It can feel frustrating, and sometimes it feels like you have to repeat yourself ten times before anything happens!
The truth is, children aren’t always ignoring us on purpose. They might be distracted, not fully understand what we’ve asked, or be feeling overwhelmed by emotions. The way we communicate has a huge impact on whether our children listen and how they respond to us.
Good communication is about more than just getting kids to follow instructions – it’s about building a relationship where they feel safe to talk to us, share their worries, and know that we’ll listen to them, too.
Why Communication Matters So Much
Children who feel listened to are far more likely to listen in return. When we take time to talk with our children, not just at them, we strengthen trust and connection.
Good communication helps children:
Feel understood and respected.
Build their own language and problem-solving skills.
Learn how to express emotions in healthy ways.
Become more cooperative, because they feel part of the conversation – not just told what to do.
Think about it this way – none of us like being bossed around! But when someone explains, listens, and involves us in decisions, we feel much more willing to cooperate. Children feel the same.
How to Get Kids’ Attention (Without Yelling!)
Instead of shouting from across the room, try these tips to make sure your child actually hears you:
✅ Get down to their level. Make eye contact, gently say their name, and touch their arm or hand to get their attention before speaking.
✅ Keep it short and clear. Instead of “Come on, we’re late, put your shoes on now, we need to get in the car!” try “Shoes on, please. We’re leaving in two minutes.”
✅ Give a warning. Kids hate surprises! Try, “Five more minutes of playing, then it’s time for dinner.”
The Power of Acknowledging Feelings
Children listen best when they feel understood. If a child is upset or frustrated, it helps to acknowledge their feelings before giving instructions.
💬 Instead of saying:
“Stop crying, it’s just a toy.”
💡 Try saying:
“I can see you’re really sad your toy broke. Let’s see if we can fix it together.”
This approach calms children, helps them feel validated, and makes them more open to listening.
Let Kids Have a Voice
Whenever possible, involve your child in decisions, even small ones. Offering choices makes them feel empowered and reduces resistance.
“Do you want the red or blue cup?”
“Shall we tidy the blocks or the crayons first?”
When kids feel they have some control, they’re much more likely to cooperate.
10 Helpful Phrases to Encourage Listening and Talking
1️⃣ “I can see you’re busy. Can I tell you something quickly?”
2️⃣ “It looks like you feel upset. Do you want to tell me about it?”
3️⃣ “I’d like you to listen for a moment, then you can have your turn to talk.”
4️⃣ “I understand you’re frustrated. Let’s figure out what to do next together.”
5️⃣ “Thank you for listening – that really helps me.”
6️⃣ “What do you think we should do about this?”
7️⃣ “I know you didn’t mean to, but how can we fix it together?”
8️⃣ “I’d like to hear your ideas about this – what do you think?”
9️⃣ “Let’s take turns talking – I’ll go first, then it’s your turn.”
🔟 “I love hearing what you think – tell me more!”
Listening is Just as Important as Talking
Good communication goes both ways. Children are much more willing to listen when they feel heard themselves.
When your child talks to you – even about small, silly things – show that you’re listening:
👂 Put down your phone.
👀 Make eye contact.
🗣 Respond with interest: “Wow, that’s interesting! What happened next?”
This shows children that their thoughts and feelings matter, which strengthens your bond and makes it easier for them to come to you when something really is wrong.
What to Do Instead of Yelling
When we’re tired or stressed, it’s easy to snap. But shouting often makes kids tune out more. Instead:
Take a breath before speaking.
Use a calm but firm voice.
State exactly what needs to happen next.
For example: “I can see you’re having fun with your toys, but it’s bedtime now. Let’s tidy them up together and you can play again tomorrow.”
Final Thoughts for Parents
Getting kids to listen isn’t about being strict or talking louder – it’s about building a relationship where they feel respected and understood.
When we slow down, talk calmly, listen properly, and give children choices where possible, they learn that communication is a two-way street. And the bonus? Fewer battles, more cooperation, and a stronger connection with our kids.
Our Children’s Programme gives parents even more practical tools to improve communication, manage emotions, and strengthen family bonds. [Find out more here →]